Types of Boundaries

By February 26, 2018

Are you using your boundaries in a healthy way? Are you letting love in and letting your love out? What kind of line in the sand are you drawing?

A rigid boundary starts on the inside as a defense against real or imagined harm. It doesn’t let anyone in, nor does it let you outt. When caught in one of these, you don’t know how to discern between safe and unsafe, so you stay barricaded behind this wall, and over time, a rigid boundary can cause you to suffer feelings of isolation, bitterness, and a terminal sense of uniqueness that separates you from your own humanity. This boundary is the ultimate NO.

A lack of boundaries is the opposite. It’s born of an unconscious attempt to protect you from being a target, like Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility. Boundaries make you visible. If you can’t be seen, you can’t be attacked. Think of this as a perpetual state of dislocation. You can’t find yourself and neither can anyone else. This boundary is the ultimate YES, meaning it’s all about acquiescing to the other person or the conditions you find yourself in.

A porous boundary is the balance point. Porous boundaries are flexible, adaptable, and collaborative. In this position, you have the ability to discern safe from unsafe. You’re willing to take risks in the direction of greater degrees of connectivity to yourself or others. You take up space when necessary and give more space to others as needed. When you use porous boundaries, you trust that if you’re hurt, you can and will recover for the better.

Notice what boundaries show up inside of you today.

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