Imagine & Create

How Do You Break through Loneliness and Build Your Tribe?

By March 16, 2015

We live in a culture that values rugged individualism.

black-elixirsThe Hero archetype of domination and control over our bodies, businesses, and even the natural environment is what unconsciously drives us. Being richer, stronger, faster, thinner, and more attractive than the next person puts you at odds with other human beings, and leaves you feeling not good enough and emotionally alone. Loneliness poisons the body, and the soul suffers.

You needn’t look further then the infamous “Roseto Study” which focused on a small town of immigrants in Pennsylvania. By living in this loving community, its members beat the national average for heart attacks and a number of other degenerative diseases. Good relationships are good for the mind, body and soul.

So how do you change feeling lost in the crowd? Hungry for contact? How do you find your tribe?

Start by adopting the right attitude, one that revolutionizes your world in an instant: Click to TweetEveryone on your path is not a competitor but rather a collaborator conspiring with the universe to serve your happiness, who longs to be a part of village life, too.

1. Say “yes” to every invitation no matter what.
Recognize that each invitation is an aperture to the holy that is seeking to include you in the divine design of life. For this reason, the likelihood that you will encounter soul connections by showing up every time life invites you out into community is very high. Say yes, especially when you really want to say no.

2. Help others with the same frequency that you care for yourself.
Operate from the tribal perspective: what can I give? The getting is in the giving through mutual indebtedness. This is done for whom-so-ever: hold the door for a stranger, offer to give directions to someone who is lost, look for ways to serve everyday. Most important: give what you most wish to receive.

3. Go direct into community by choosing one that is already organized around something that turns you on. This is the quickest way to find like-minded people.
Tribal members/makers recognize that groups that have already self-organized are “homes” waiting for them. Make yourself an insider by acting as if you belong. Assume your place is waiting for you. Looking for a community? I’m building one starting on 3/23 in my Origins e-course, co-taught with two-time Grammy winning artist, Robert Mirabal. As part of the course, we will be creating a Virtual Commons where our tribe can study the material and practice in community.

4. Ask yourself, what is my greatest emotional wound? Then, go serve it.
What is the thing that stands most between you and a sense of connection to others? Is it the abuse you suffered as a child? Is it the violence at the hands of a battering spouse? Or the alcoholism of a parent? Go volunteer at Big Brothers Big Sisters, a battered women’s shelter, your local halfway house. Use the thing that severed your connection to trusting life to reestablish one.

5. Go on walkabout. Look at who and what has been pushed to the edges of your world, and go on an adventure into those borderlands.

To go on walkabout, you must first ask: What is invisible in my world? Are there children in your life? The elderly? What about people who aren’t your color, race, age, gender, or political persuasion? Step outside your comfort zone and head out into the unknown not as a tourist (observing for the purposes of entertainment), but as a vulnerable observer (allow yourself to get “remade” by the encounter). For more on this, check out my blog on becoming a vulnerable observer.

6. Use play as a portal to your fortune.
This is the pleasure zone. When you are at play, relaxed and open, you are most likely to have magical encounters because you are more present to the moment! Take advantage of this. Is your pleasure music? Literature? Flying kites? Running or another activity? Prioritize your pleasure and play on a daily basis. Do it with the same commitment that you brush your teeth. Watch for spill over – the people, places, and things that cross your path and want to partner with you to have fun.

In psyche and spirit,


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