The heart that is broken knows two sides of love: over attachment and under attachment. It clings or it rejects.
Over attachment is heroin to a broken heart.
Signs and symptoms of over attachment include: projecting your sense of power or worth onto another, living vicariously through their successes and failures, and catapulting into a dangerous, life-threatening despair if you lose this individual. Unconsciously, you choose people who are most interested in their needs than yours. They withhold something emotionally that compels you to unconsciously stick around hoping one day to “get,” like the fantasy of securityfinally being safe in the world, the house and baby, or a free financial ride. It becomes the heroin addiction of your broken heart. You can’t live with or without it. It’s an exhausting position in which you consciously or unconsciously scan for evidence he/she might abandon you. The truth is you have abandoned yourself, the worst of all betrayals.
Under attachment is like being lost in outer space.
When you under attach, you may leave the “nice guy” without looking back. “Ghosting” is an acceptable behavior to you. You arrive late and leave early. It’s much easier for you to have sex with acquaintances than to make love to someone you’re emotionally invested in long term. You consume people and things like fast food, never looking beyond your immediate needs. You feel most at home being everywhere and nowhere in particular. It’s as if you exist in a parallel universe, existing outside the social norms you see as compromising your sense of authenticity or freedom. Your sense of empathy turns numb, and your longing turns to ambivalence. Dissociation replaces connection as you slam the door on your vulnerability which enables you to feel your self and another.
Let go and let love.
What happens when you courageously enter the crack of your broken heart? The place where your worst fears and unexpressed rapture reside? You enter your own personal crucible. The refiner’s fire, a necessary burn that promises to transform you into love’s true shape. Over and under attachment are tempered by your deep personal inquiry when you ask, “Who am I in love?” You see this question as the highest form of self-care that leads to self awareness. You mature along emotional and spiritual lines, accessing greater capacity for giving and receiving. Changing from broken to broken open to something greater than yourself. Instead of looking for love in all the wrong places or rejecting love in all of its true faces, you discover you are the love you seek. It flows inside you and grows like a weed, taking over your thoughts, feelings, and actions in the world. It attracts even more of itself to you in the form of kindness, good luck, or a life partner. So it goes on the inner, so it goes on the outer.
Who will you be in love today?
In psyche and spirit,